The Choice I Made

At this point in time, I am about to make a very important decision. For weeks and weeks I have been stranded in the reverie of the fantasy and hellish consequences of either paths which lead me to be so hesitant to take a step forward to either road. It is scary and exciting. I sought books, I asked God, read the Bible, listened to debates. Then I made a choice. I realized that life can have so many what ifs, but at the end of the day we have to make a choice – and yes at the end of the day, I choose to honor God. I choose to honor God. Thus, I hope and pray, that even though my feeble mind tends to view things wrong, I hope that this time I had this right. This time, Father, may you be honored and glorified with the decision I have made. It may be an unpopular decision, but it is the most sincere choice I can make – full of love, and selfless devotion. Father, I offer this decision to you. May you help me set sail this boat I am in, and please help me meet and overcome the storm I will yet to face. Thank you, Yahweh Elohim.

A vague today and clear past

I am a nurse now.

I am renting my own place.

I am working, earning, paying my own bills and helping my family.

A year ago, this life I am living now was just a vague mist of possibility, a subject of my idle contemplation.

This is neither a good story nor a bad story. This is not a narrative of what could have been nor of what could not have been. This is just another idle contemplation of the still vague mist reality I am living, and the clearer picture of the person I was before.

Before I know sunrise and sunset, now I now day shift and night shift. Before I know to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and a visit to either kofficino (if I want to be alone) or Bean connection and McDo (if I want to accidentally meet with friends); now I know to eat when I am hungry. Before I walk to the library and sit between shelves and read random good books. Most of the time I always return them back to the shelves unfinished. Now, I have a shelf of good books I own, but most of them are unopened. But those I have begun reading, I have finished and I took down notes.

I know that Mildred a year ago was stubborn and passionate. Maybe not so creative but she thinks she is. Not a very good leader but gets appointed to be sometimes. She could get radical and her zeal could get ahead of her that she often made unwise decisions. She loved to walk and walk and stare at the stars, watch the harsh waves of the sea break as it reaches the walls of boulevard. She loved to read the bible and talk to God especially at the third floor of SC. She thinks she is brave but often she would cower under the dark sky of amphitheatre to cover her feelings and her weakness from the eyes of the people. She would stay there for hours and stare at the neon cross of the SU church just across Amphitheatre. She would look up at that cross with tears until someone turns off the neon light and it is time to go.

She has broken some rules, has approached strangers to tell them a Word of encouragement impressed by the Holy Spirit. She has skipped classes when she wanted to just be in the coffee shop and contemplate life, or complete a paper for a minor subject that she was passionate about. She was always working forward against some tide – most of it was of her own making.

She is a nurse now and working. Like every living thing in this ecosystem, she is learning to adapt to her environment. She is in the real world battling real life problems and not just answering written exams.

A year ago, even as she contemplates of this life, she longed of something else and she still does. Everything that is called today for her will always be vague. Maybe next year, today will be a clearer beautiful past to look back on.

She still is stubborn. She believes she is happy. I hope she truly is.

 

 

 

Harry Potter series: my Mirror of Erised

mirror of erised.pngI

remember that scene in Sorcerer’s stone when Harry found out about the Mirror of Erised. There in the mirror he saw a reflection of him together with his father and mother who are both long dead when Harry was just a little boy. After days of coming and visiting the mirror to see his parents, he realized the magic of the mirror: it shows the viewer their deepest and most desperate desire. But according to Dumbledore, it shows neither truth nor hope and that people have wasted away in front of the mirror and some have gone mad.

Whenever I watch that part, it always occur to me that I am in the same situation as Harry is in at that scene. As Harry was watching the Mirror of Erised, I too am watching my own mirror of Erised. Harry Potter series has shown me a world that is full of wonder, learning that is full of surprises, duty and responsibility that truly is meaningful, and friendship that stands strong even in death or just simple task as having detention together. I’ve watched and watched and have really been so involved in this series. But like I said, it has become to me like a mirror of Erised. Although it may not reflect the deepest desire of my heart, it did embodied the dreams I have, the aspiration I have for wonder, adventure, bravery, and lasting friendships and a mentor like Dumbledore. Like the mirror of Erised, drowning myself in the wizarding world, will not change the reality of my world now – it neither shows me truth nor hope. What I learned from Harry Potter will be deemed useless if it does not affect how I live in this real world.

As much as I love this mirror of Erised of mine, I shall now close it, thank it, and I am to start living my life, with conviction and bravery.

Thank you, mirror of Erised. Thank you, Harry Potter.

 

Overcoming Stress: “The Best Way”

The Adventure Within

First of all let me define the word “Stress”. According to the dictionary, stress means “physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension.” Stress can cause us to do things we would not normally do or cause us to shut down completely. Everyone suffers from it and it’s part of most people’s lives.

Read more: http://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-stress.html#ixzz39b1nwWst

If you try to google it out, you can always find many suggestions how to live a stress-free life. Well, we always have the option to follow them or create our own method to release off steam and just have that “living-young-and-free” feeling.

It is always good to have, even once in a while, that moment when you think of nothing and just relax. Seeing the beautiful creation God created while enjoying your favorite coffee and meal. I was always eager at looking for things and searching the net for ways to overcome stress. I tried going out for…

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Such Love

Love knows no intelligence nor any boundaries. Not even the prison cell nor death doors could keep it at bay.

Such love that not even silence can capture

The sentence comes in separate words

Bridge of deep waters separate one from the other

When the sound was released, it lingers but it never stays

Not even the silent field can contain it.

I grasped for breath beneath the cold air

My words are many years old

But they never rusted even if –

Now is the first time I have really used it –

Now that we part.

And you didn’t even get to hear it –

I. LOVE. YOU.

This poem was inspired by the movie Miracle at Cell Number 7. 

After watching the movie, I realize that Love indeed is the greatest good.

Yesterday’s Grief by Katherine Lee Bates

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The falling rain of yesterday is ruby on the roses,
Silver on the poplar leaf, and gold on willow stem;
The grief that fell just yesterday is silence that encloses
God’s great gifts of grace, and time will never trouble them.
The falling rain of yesterday makes all the hillsides glisten,
Coral on the laurel and beryl on the grass;
The grief that fell just yesterday has taught the soul to listen
For whispers of eternity in all the winds that pass.
O faint of heart, storm-beaten, this rain will shine tomorrow,
Flame within the columbine and jewels on the thorn,
Heaven in the forget-me-not; though sorrow now is sorrow,
Yet sorrow will be beauty in the magic of the morn.

I especially want to dedicate this poem by Bates to all the people afflicted by super typhoon Yolanda. “Though your sorrow now is sorrow,” no one can contest to that or tell you that it is ‘okay’ but know that “sorrow will be beauty in the magic of the morn.”

We are mourning and praying with you. You are in our hearts. And rest assured that our brothers and sisters here in the Philippines and even here in the place where I am in are not just loving you in thought and speech but also in action. We cannot swallow the thought of being comfortable while thousands in Tacloban are in the brink of life and death. People, we can and we must do something. Pray. Give. 

Are We Seeing Right?

eye

It is true what they said that it is when the heart is broken will the eyes will be opened.

People bustle downtown minding there own business – we all have our own sphere called loneliness. Even the liveliest person you could ever name has it. Before, it takes numbers of people to build a kingdom, now a single person can live in its own kingdom of loneliness and be efficient and still have fun because of his/her  virtual bodies. We are in short walking side by side in the same path but in different directions. We neither see nor know each other. And you know why that is? It is because we are looking too close – too close within us – close enough that we are missing the big picture.

The big picture is something that I cannot objectively tell you here. It is something that you have to encounter yourself in your own journey. But, yes there is a but. I want to give you a clue – the big picture is something you can never find in yourself nor with the people around you. It is something we are all privileged to know but only a few dared to see it. And once touched by the truth of this big picture you will never be the same – for you will be ashamed that you even dared look for it deep within you. For it is something that is far greater than we could ever imagine. It is something that we can grasp but never fully grasp. You, my friend, have to go through that old book that you have called the B-I-B-L-E and discover the big picture yourself.

The Great Queen Seon Deok Quotes

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After watching Queen SeonDeok, unlike my experiences with any previous movies or series, I found myself recollecting now and again the words they have said. I groped for the wisdom that they have uttered. I found myself measuring up whether what each character did, paralleled the things they have said. I found few flaws but nevertheless Queen SeonDeok indeed is a brilliant drama. Each word spoken has been carefully thought of. Less often a character may act wrongly or may utter carelessly but even so, it never occurred to me that they are being foolish in any way. They acted with wisdom in accordance to the knowledge that they have.

  • “It shall not be as easy as you believe, nonetheless, try.”
  • Deokman: No success shall come to a nation devoid of dreams.
  • Mishil: The truth is much too cumbersome a prospect for our people; hope is beyond their capacity, dialogue is too vexatious for their feeble minds, and any freedom given will lead them to hesitate. People are pragmatic. And often they display spurious, unreasonable behavior.
  • Mishil: Punishment as cruel and stern as a raging storm, administering any reward with prudence… Those are the very fundamentals of a ruler’s hegemony.
  • Yushin to Deokman: You must have faith in what you believe is right to survive this arduous journey.
  • Lord Chunchu: Would anything pleasant offer you a swift escape?
  • Deokman: Hope can make you overcome all the pain and fatigue. The dreams and hopes of our people shall enrich this nation.
  • Deokman: A ruler who has not time for his people has no right to sit on the throne.
  • Chunchu: History is filled with unprecedented occurances.
  • Chunchu: Juvenile fatuity might influence my views  and becloud my judgment, but nowhere else have I ever seen such a barbaric and frivolous policy.
  • Deokman to mishil: You are the for I can trust more than anyone I know.
  • Mishil: I needed to rediscover my true intents.
  • Deokman; Chunchu is a remarkable young man full of resolve. i believe that wisdom will guide his choice. Unintended as it might have been, Chunchu and I spelled the end for two walls hampering Mishil.
  • Deokman: This new determination shown by Mishil heralds the advent of our strongest foe.
  • Mishil to Chunchu: It is because they did not devote their all to repress me; That is the essence of conflict. Do not mistake subterfuges with mere mind games. To become Queen, my life was drenched with stratagems. i devoted body and soul, my entire life to this. Should my presence daunt you, hold onto me. If revenge is your calling devote your all to vanquish me, like Princess Deokman. Those are the only ways you will ever be able to contend with me. Stake your life to fight me, or else, you perish.
  • Deokman to Chunchu: Arrogance and malice sweltered your soul, your mind captured by all the victims of your impending vengeance…. Since I did not trust anyone, there is nothing that I could start. Let us start together, you and I.

Chunchu to Deokman:  If you mean to embrace me, it will mean accepting my every facet even the vitriol which flows down my veins.

Deokman to Chunchu: What I can do is becoming something that can embrace all those people. Should this embrace be too small to contain all your ambition, you can break free anytime you wish.  Chunchu: Did you shed as many tears as I have?

  • Mishil to Deokman: Our statutes and institutions, they are always a perilous sword with two edges. Not only their foe, but even those wielding it may injure themselves.
  • Misaeng to Mishil: I believe the annals of history will consign you to a luminous legacy. however, this can besmirch everything you have accomplished so far.
  • Yushin to Deokman: But that would be too dangerous.

Deokman to Yushin: I realized today that nothing in life is more dangerous than surviving itself.

  • Deokman: Before the pages of history, we all were nothing but mere pawns.
  • Deokman: Your highness, the talent that I want by my side is not other than you, Mishil.

Mishil: Your triumph must be laden with fierce resistance on my part.

  • Mishil to Lord Seolwon: While you still can fight, fighting is all you can do. and when you no longer can, protecting it you must. When you can no longer protect it, retreat is all it takes. And when retreat is not even an option, surrender is your next best decision. Should even surrender prove impossible, on that day, demise will be your best compeer.

Lord Seolwon to Mishil: Why did you let them weaken you.

Mishil to Lord Seolwon: It did not. Many chapters filled my strategy, and this is merely the final one.

  • Deokman: Mishil, if it hadn’t been for you, I wouldn’t reach this far….. I salute you Mishil… (tears)
  • Deokman: I accorded Gaya my benevolence but they refused ti believe in our future together and instead supported Wolya’s restoration movement.
  • Yushin to Bidam: Obsess over watching the deer, and you will lose sight of the mountain.
  • Deokman: Earning people is such a trifling endeavor.
  • Chunchu referring to Deokman: She is trying to show me that you cannot gain people by your acumen alone. And so are the grandiose achievements she dreams for this country.
  • ….”If people are your only goals, you will only incur danger. Bigger goals, bigger dreams are what you should aspire for.”
  • Bidam to Deokman: So why have you changed?

Deokman to Bidam: For I have no name. Princess, Crown Princess… even the scoundrels parading in the market have a name yet a rules does not. All I am is “Her Majesty.” Nobody cann call my name now. Calling my name means treason. Bidam, only you think of me as a person- as a woman.

  • Deokman: I therefore, admit my responsibility in creating this conflict. However, my convictions are firm. In war, it is the country whose people enjoy the most stability that will triumph in the end.
  • Bidam: You are like a horse on the chessboard of history, but I am not. That is why the Master said this book belongs to you.
  • Deokman: this unification is a war of endurance which might last for ten, a hundred years. It is not a matter of strategy or military power. That endurance only comes from one’s people.
  • Deokman: Gaining people’s trust might be harder than gaining all creation. But, what is harder than gaining people’s trust is having to abandon them.
  • Chunchu: Fear is an offspring of the unknown.
  • Chunchu to Bidam: Devotion has blinded you to the point of obscuring your path.
  • Chunchu: Bidam, it is most regrettable for you. But there is no page in history for a man driven by devotion.
  • Yeomjong: You are the only one who can bring destruction upon yourself.
  • Queen SeonDeok to Young Deokman: Deokman… the path ahead of you will be arduous and it will be painful. You will lose beloved ones, and experience utmost loneliness. It will be more barren and dim than in the dessert. For it will seem like you have the world, but in truth you will not be able to gain anything. But still you must endure it. All right? Endure it. Endure it to the end.

————————————————–THE END—————————————————