Once upon a time…

Everything is the same.

All system. everything.

I have not searched far enough, dug deep enough nor toiled hard enough but I have come to this conclusion that everything is the same. At the same time, it’s all so different too.

I have just passed my PALS (Pediatric Advanced Life Support) class. And one of the concepts that have remained well in my mind is this: You have to fill the pipe so you can have something to pump and you have to pump what is in the pump to have it going. It’s an easier way of saying that you have to fill the blood vessels with fluid before you can administer vasoconstrictor  to pump it, and you cannot just administer fluid with a weak heart without aiding it with vasoconstrictor to help pump the fluid.

Now, as I was trying to unwind, I resolved to write. I started with “Once upon a time….” and I realized my tank is empty. There is nothing I can pump. Ooops, did I just talk PALS? It’s all the same. Principle wise. Writing, nursing, travelling, investing, cooking, relationships, education, government. The science of it all. But at the same time, it’s way different. Where one ends and one begins, I guess that’s where our persona exist. And here I am just as I am, unable to continue that sentence, “Once upon a time…”

Once upon a time book cover

Harry Potter series: my Mirror of Erised

mirror of erised.pngI

remember that scene in Sorcerer’s stone when Harry found out about the Mirror of Erised. There in the mirror he saw a reflection of him together with his father and mother who are both long dead when Harry was just a little boy. After days of coming and visiting the mirror to see his parents, he realized the magic of the mirror: it shows the viewer their deepest and most desperate desire. But according to Dumbledore, it shows neither truth nor hope and that people have wasted away in front of the mirror and some have gone mad.

Whenever I watch that part, it always occur to me that I am in the same situation as Harry is in at that scene. As Harry was watching the Mirror of Erised, I too am watching my own mirror of Erised. Harry Potter series has shown me a world that is full of wonder, learning that is full of surprises, duty and responsibility that truly is meaningful, and friendship that stands strong even in death or just simple task as having detention together. I’ve watched and watched and have really been so involved in this series. But like I said, it has become to me like a mirror of Erised. Although it may not reflect the deepest desire of my heart, it did embodied the dreams I have, the aspiration I have for wonder, adventure, bravery, and lasting friendships and a mentor like Dumbledore. Like the mirror of Erised, drowning myself in the wizarding world, will not change the reality of my world now – it neither shows me truth nor hope. What I learned from Harry Potter will be deemed useless if it does not affect how I live in this real world.

As much as I love this mirror of Erised of mine, I shall now close it, thank it, and I am to start living my life, with conviction and bravery.

Thank you, mirror of Erised. Thank you, Harry Potter.

 

Such Love

Love knows no intelligence nor any boundaries. Not even the prison cell nor death doors could keep it at bay.

Such love that not even silence can capture

The sentence comes in separate words

Bridge of deep waters separate one from the other

When the sound was released, it lingers but it never stays

Not even the silent field can contain it.

I grasped for breath beneath the cold air

My words are many years old

But they never rusted even if –

Now is the first time I have really used it –

Now that we part.

And you didn’t even get to hear it –

I. LOVE. YOU.

This poem was inspired by the movie Miracle at Cell Number 7. 

After watching the movie, I realize that Love indeed is the greatest good.

Silent Wails of Decayed Trust

"......Deokman.... my Deokma..." Bidam's very last words.

“……Deokman…. my Deokman…” Bidam’s very last words.

It might be difficult a task to gain the trust of people; however, it would be more exacting a calling to abandon those people whose confidence you have already earned.

Thus, a person of genuine valor would rather choose to suffer rather than to abandon that person. That person would have faith. Situations might point fingers on that person whom you trust but should you prove your alliance to be strong, faith is the very ingredient that should abound. An alliance, a relationship, a friendship, or coalition, cannot exist for long without faith.

What a tragedy would it be, for genuine fealty to end because one failed to believe enough. One failed to endure and believe. Treacherous blood may cry out in anguish and remorse but such cry would deem to be mute in comparison to the wail of silence. The silent wail of a pure fealty – pure trust and pure love torn apart by the mistake of not having faith. Silent wails indeed will  surely haunt. Sadness and not angst.

All I can hope is that for the other to remain boundlessly faithful. And only by then can silence be broken. Wounds be healed. And though the blood may dry and the smell of death perish from the land, the wounds that caused those blood to drip will surely be healed. The undying faithfulness of a person despite the other party’s failure to believe is indeed a healing potion. It knows no bounds.

And is not that a familiar situation?

This tragic yet victorious story-

Is it not your story?

I believe that it too is my story.

It may take a different page in the annals of what we call history, but your story and my story is I believe, a story drenched by the faithfulness of our KING-GOD-FATHER and also by our constant unfaithfulness.

If only we can believe. If only we can be faithful, what a wondrous fate would that be. A life in abundance indeed.

A thief comes only to steal and to kill and to destroy. I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance.

John 10:10

This post is inspired by Queen Seon Deok  particularly by the failure of Bidam to trust Deokman.

Innocent Man

The choices they made defines their ulterior motive in life. Every decision made prohibits the other. Every path taken obliterates the other paths. Decisions made better be the best choice. There is no going back. You can only go forward.

Kang Maru, Seo Eun Gi, Han Jae Hee, and Lawyer Park, these characters moved me, made me cry, made me hope, despair, angry, relieved, happy, sad, and best of all – made me felt that in this world, some people recognize the magical effect of sacrifice.

I slept 3:00 am that night/day. It was April 30, 2013 early morning. Everyone was asleep and I was silently  crying, silently filling my heart and my thoughts with all that I can absorb from the series I was watching. Every word said, every scene portrayed, I just can’t dare miss it.

One Innocent Man who gets tangled into the lives of two complicated ladies.

One Innocent Man who got himself entangled into the lives of two complicated ladies.

I don’t know exactly how to approach this post. This is not a review, a synopsis nor a critic. This is just me pouring my heart out saying that this series is heart-breaking yet every time I watch it, my day is full. Every time I watch it, I learn something new – and even discover some truths about my very nature. I love Kang Maru and Seo Eun Gi. Han Jae Hee even is not a hated character of mine. I believe she has in her a good heart. But wrong judgment in the past has clouded her judgments ever since.

Series like this. Series that majors on sacrifice. Series that unspeakably shouts the thought that A SACRIFICE can make a very huge difference in the life of many is the kind of series that stirs my thought – that breaks my heart. Perhaps because I too wanted to be a brave person like most of these characters. I too wanted to not be selfish. The sacrifice they made entails so much love that they forgot about themselves. The cup they drink is not really of suffering but of love that moved them to do things that is just explicitly beyond normal thought.

Kang Maru did that. Lawyer Park did that too.

 

Students, Do Not Hurry!

Have you noticed how much education has snatched much of our opportunity to learn? If you have not, then I tell you: It can. 

I remember an author once said:

If superficiality is the curse of our age, then HURRY pronounces the spell. Depth always comes slowly.

Do not get me wrong. I am not rebelling against my class schedule which as you can see  is  fully crammed. I accept it as it is. What else can I do? Plus, it came from people of authority and I believe that they are placed there for they know what they’re doing.  Another thing,  people of authority could sometimes get wrong, but it has always been stressed in God’s Word to respect authority. If we are to correct them, correct them politely but I’m in no business to correct them here.

When I look at my sched, I can only sigh not because there is nothing  I can do but because there is much managements to be  done in order to live to that schedule without living a hurried life.What’s wrong with a hurried life? Everything can get wrong in a hurried life – from morning till evening; from your grades to your relationships; from your health to your prayer life. Everything can get wrong. When you live hurriedly, it’s as if you keep on wanting to get things done rather than doing that thing as best you could. When you live in a hurried lifestyle, life would become more of an obligation to get done rather than a gift to be praised for. O how miserable. And that’s the life we students are at risk! O let it not be! –> but it does not depend on our schedules. It depends on us. My friend, it’s okay to be busy but do not hurry. Have you not noticed? Jesus is often busy but He never hurried to get things done.  Depth always comes slowly. I believe that God has given us just enough time to do His will.

Should we then must be able to manage our time well?

O time is gold! It’s precious and it should be managed well indeed but I don’t think that it should be our grand agenda. I think we should first learn to manage ourselves. That for me is one of the hardest hardest agenda. I am  the most untamed creature. Even as I look civil, educated, good, respectable; inside me is a labyrinth of wilderness. I myself has not conquered it. There is but just one Man who has conquered it and He is Jesus Christ. So if we are to plan  to learn how to manage ourselves, O don’t begin without earnestly wrestling the matter with God. Let Him move unto you and initiate every action  step you do. God moves, my friend. And when He does move, He does it quickly so that none can claim, “O I did it myself!”

I suppose most of us has this natural tendency to do things hurriedly – always wanting to get things done rather than to savor the moment and the fact that we are able to do such things. –>Like walking, reading, reporting, studying—> some people are not even privileged to study as we are. My friends, all the more will I urge you and I address this to myself too: We must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from our lives.

Hurry is not of the devil; hurry is the devil.     – Carl Jung

Looking back at the schedule, it seems to me a very hard life to live without rushing through and hurrying through every hour. It’s hard indeed but it shall not be impossible with God’s grace. Now I shall stress prayer. It seems that we took prayer so lightly and even took it for granted. If Jesus Himself said that there is nothing He can do without God, then who do we think we are to go through the day without God? And don’t just tell me that O I have God I just don’t pray that much, for prayer is the way we commune with God. If there is one privilege we Christians must be so happy for, that is our gate pass to the courts of God – gate pass to speak before Him as we are and yet not die; however, so often many people took this for granted and even tire at the time of prayer. O by no means, my friends. Let us not be fooled  into thinking that we can at all do things ‘our’ way and succeed – truly succeed.

I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer.    – Martin Luther

We may fail – that is most certain – in our conquest to do every task efficiently yet  unhurriedly; but rest assured my friend that  in the process you will learn and grow and not deteriorate like worn out robots.

– Mildred

P.S.  REBLOG 😀 😀 😀

Blogger, Tumblr, Weebly, or WordPress For Personal Blog

Blog Now!

It’s always best to stick to just one personal blog. I speak from experience. For almost a year I’ve been jumping from blogger to WordPress, to another blogger, to tumblr , then to another blogger, then to Weebly, to Netlog and finally, to another WordPress.  It was quite a journey and I’ve learned a lot about blogging from these different blogging sites which operate quite different from each other but I would not suggest you to take the same jumping journey as I have. It’s tiring to just be frustrated over and over again. Maybe it would not be the same with you and I for I am a perfectionist and I can’t just settle for less but as I was looking for the best blog site, I found myself trying to grab everything getting nothing. To spare you the first stage of blogging -confusion – let me share with some of my insights about these blogging sites I have tried myself.

Just to remind you – blogging is fun.  Choosing your blogging site provider is the hard decision for me but when you get to establish your blog, it is fun. It really is.

  1. Blogger – Blogger has a variety of template. You can get from blogger itself or from other sites providing blogger templates. I love the feel of blogger templates but it has this weird aura that after few days of staring at that same template, I got so easily bored. The good thing about blogger is that it is so easy to manipulate. If you are a person who can just be easily contented with whatever template or design on your blog, then blogger is for you because blogging in blogger is so convenient. You just click New Post, type, then publish then your done with your first entry.   Let me show you some of my blogger websites: http://iseekyoulord.blogspot.com/   ;  http://mildredeemed.blogspot.com/ … then here is my sister’s blogger .. I think it is one of those good blogger templates. It has a professional look. http://life-chocolate-bites.blogspot.com/
  2. WordPress –  I tried WordPress second to blogger and I was so disappointed to arrive at an intimidating interface. It looks so complicated but as it turned out, WordPress is not really that complicated. It really has just this intimidating professional look.  Blogger is simplified while WordPress cuts to the detail. But no worries my friend, WordPress as in any blogging site, has this ‘Support’ feature which will aid you as a beginner on how to be able to establish a good blog. Actually, WordPress is my favorite. The reason why I quitted it on my first try was because of some troubleshooting problem in our internet connection that would just suddenly lag when I enter my WordPress. Overall, WordPress is cool! Most of its themes are less flowery and more formal and professional but it’s clean and not boring at all. Here is my first WordPress site. I really don’t like that much. http://iseekyoulord.wordpress.com/ ;  And here is my second WordPress site! And I love it! http://mildredeemed.wordpreshttps://mildredeemed.wordpress.com/s.com/
  3. Tumblr – I don’t know with you, but Tumblr just don’t suite me. I think it’s just for liking post and reblogging post. Text blogs don’t often get  read in Tumblr for this site is flooded with pictures and quotes. If you are into Typography then tumblr is for you. Tumblr is fun actually when I bored and when I don’t feel like reading for most of its creative pictures are amusing but I easily forgot them. Tumblr reads don’t often stick to my memory. I won’t really recommend Tumblr for blogging but there are some people I know who are just able to use Tumblr excellently. I love his blog. This is his blog – http://zymethco.tumblr.com/  This is mine and please scan fast through it. It’s  the plainest tumblog ever. http://mildredeemed.tumblr.com/
  4. Weebly Weebly is actually not just a blogging site but is also a free website-building provider. It’s cool is it not? It’s an easy way to create your own website. It’s a great alternative to those complicated DreamWeaver and Photoshop. It used this drag and drop technique in putting in elements to your page. As it is a good website provider, I don’t really think it’s the best site to establish your blog. With Weebly you have to do everything on your own. It does not have those pre-established settings like sticky post in WordPress. I won’t really suggest Weebly.  But do check my Weebly site. http://captured-thoughts.weebly.com/
  5. NetLog – NetLog is primarily a social networking site but I did not use it as one. I only had one friend there and so I just used it to blog freely. Freely as I was not afraid to make any mistakes as I would have been with my other blogs. You see, you can easily establish your NetLog with not half the effort you give on blogger or wordpress or tumblr or weebly. It’s not a blog-centered site but it has a Blog feature which is just okay.

But then again, I would really, really suggest WordPress especially if your’e someone who wants to stick into just one blog.

And remember this: Commit all your ways to the Lord, and desire His glory in everything you do, and you will succeed.

“Blogging/ Writing is that one profession where people won’t be shock that you are not earning anything.”

The Choice I Made

At this point in time, I am about to make a very important decision. For weeks and weeks I have been stranded in the reverie of the fantasy and hellish consequences of either paths which lead me to be so hesitant to take a step forward to either road. It is scary and exciting. I sought books, I asked God, read the Bible, listened to debates. Then I made a choice. I realized that life can have so many what ifs, but at the end of the day we have to make a choice – and yes at the end of the day, I choose to honor God. I choose to honor God. Thus, I hope and pray, that even though my feeble mind tends to view things wrong, I hope that this time I had this right. This time, Father, may you be honored and glorified with the decision I have made. It may be an unpopular decision, but it is the most sincere choice I can make – full of love, and selfless devotion. Father, I offer this decision to you. May you help me set sail this boat I am in, and please help me meet and overcome the storm I will yet to face. Thank you, Yahweh Elohim.

A vague today and clear past

I am a nurse now.

I am renting my own place.

I am working, earning, paying my own bills and helping my family.

A year ago, this life I am living now was just a vague mist of possibility, a subject of my idle contemplation.

This is neither a good story nor a bad story. This is not a narrative of what could have been nor of what could not have been. This is just another idle contemplation of the still vague mist reality I am living, and the clearer picture of the person I was before.

Before I know sunrise and sunset, now I now day shift and night shift. Before I know to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and a visit to either kofficino (if I want to be alone) or Bean connection and McDo (if I want to accidentally meet with friends); now I know to eat when I am hungry. Before I walk to the library and sit between shelves and read random good books. Most of the time I always return them back to the shelves unfinished. Now, I have a shelf of good books I own, but most of them are unopened. But those I have begun reading, I have finished and I took down notes.

I know that Mildred a year ago was stubborn and passionate. Maybe not so creative but she thinks she is. Not a very good leader but gets appointed to be sometimes. She could get radical and her zeal could get ahead of her that she often made unwise decisions. She loved to walk and walk and stare at the stars, watch the harsh waves of the sea break as it reaches the walls of boulevard. She loved to read the bible and talk to God especially at the third floor of SC. She thinks she is brave but often she would cower under the dark sky of amphitheatre to cover her feelings and her weakness from the eyes of the people. She would stay there for hours and stare at the neon cross of the SU church just across Amphitheatre. She would look up at that cross with tears until someone turns off the neon light and it is time to go.

She has broken some rules, has approached strangers to tell them a Word of encouragement impressed by the Holy Spirit. She has skipped classes when she wanted to just be in the coffee shop and contemplate life, or complete a paper for a minor subject that she was passionate about. She was always working forward against some tide – most of it was of her own making.

She is a nurse now and working. Like every living thing in this ecosystem, she is learning to adapt to her environment. She is in the real world battling real life problems and not just answering written exams.

A year ago, even as she contemplates of this life, she longed of something else and she still does. Everything that is called today for her will always be vague. Maybe next year, today will be a clearer beautiful past to look back on.

She still is stubborn. She believes she is happy. I hope she truly is.

 

 

 

Overcoming Stress: “The Best Way”

The Adventure Within

First of all let me define the word “Stress”. According to the dictionary, stress means “physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension.” Stress can cause us to do things we would not normally do or cause us to shut down completely. Everyone suffers from it and it’s part of most people’s lives.

Read more: http://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-stress.html#ixzz39b1nwWst

If you try to google it out, you can always find many suggestions how to live a stress-free life. Well, we always have the option to follow them or create our own method to release off steam and just have that “living-young-and-free” feeling.

It is always good to have, even once in a while, that moment when you think of nothing and just relax. Seeing the beautiful creation God created while enjoying your favorite coffee and meal. I was always eager at looking for things and searching the net for ways to overcome stress. I tried going out for…

View original post 449 more words

Yesterday’s Grief by Katherine Lee Bates

Image
The falling rain of yesterday is ruby on the roses,
Silver on the poplar leaf, and gold on willow stem;
The grief that fell just yesterday is silence that encloses
God’s great gifts of grace, and time will never trouble them.
The falling rain of yesterday makes all the hillsides glisten,
Coral on the laurel and beryl on the grass;
The grief that fell just yesterday has taught the soul to listen
For whispers of eternity in all the winds that pass.
O faint of heart, storm-beaten, this rain will shine tomorrow,
Flame within the columbine and jewels on the thorn,
Heaven in the forget-me-not; though sorrow now is sorrow,
Yet sorrow will be beauty in the magic of the morn.

I especially want to dedicate this poem by Bates to all the people afflicted by super typhoon Yolanda. “Though your sorrow now is sorrow,” no one can contest to that or tell you that it is ‘okay’ but know that “sorrow will be beauty in the magic of the morn.”

We are mourning and praying with you. You are in our hearts. And rest assured that our brothers and sisters here in the Philippines and even here in the place where I am in are not just loving you in thought and speech but also in action. We cannot swallow the thought of being comfortable while thousands in Tacloban are in the brink of life and death. People, we can and we must do something. Pray. Give. 

Are We Seeing Right?

eye

It is true what they said that it is when the heart is broken will the eyes will be opened.

People bustle downtown minding there own business – we all have our own sphere called loneliness. Even the liveliest person you could ever name has it. Before, it takes numbers of people to build a kingdom, now a single person can live in its own kingdom of loneliness and be efficient and still have fun because of his/her  virtual bodies. We are in short walking side by side in the same path but in different directions. We neither see nor know each other. And you know why that is? It is because we are looking too close – too close within us – close enough that we are missing the big picture.

The big picture is something that I cannot objectively tell you here. It is something that you have to encounter yourself in your own journey. But, yes there is a but. I want to give you a clue – the big picture is something you can never find in yourself nor with the people around you. It is something we are all privileged to know but only a few dared to see it. And once touched by the truth of this big picture you will never be the same – for you will be ashamed that you even dared look for it deep within you. For it is something that is far greater than we could ever imagine. It is something that we can grasp but never fully grasp. You, my friend, have to go through that old book that you have called the B-I-B-L-E and discover the big picture yourself.

The Earthquake (October 15, 2013)

1Kings 19: 11- 12

 11The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.

I remembered this verse, and the whole duration of the earthquake which I suppose lasted for 20 – 30 seconds, I was only able to utter, “Abba, Father” repeatedly  with this verse in my heart. There was peace in my heart.

We will definitely melt before the very presence of our God! 😀

Holy holy holy indeed is our God!